Your success in working with people, and especially with your challenging loved ones, is tied to how emotionally intelligent you operate. Keep these tips in mind as you interact with others, in particular if there is a diagnosis, such as Asperger Syndrome or ADHD, where behavior change is a primary goal. By first understanding and working with your own feelings, you can set the stage for magical results with the very challenging people in your life!
1. Know your feelings – and how strong they may be – before you get into action with your challenging people.
2. Make behavior decisions that you will feel proud of. Your style will be their style. “They” learn by watching you and listening to you.
3. Know what others are feeling. Understand that you may not agree.
4. Find the words to convey your feelings without denying someone else theirs.
5. Seek out the good things in a situation, even if they are microscopic or a real stretch.
6. Be persistent – appropriately! Stay on track. Back off the track when you know you will get nowhere right now.
7. Monitor your impulses. Reflect on your own thinking that won’t help in the bigger picture.
8. You may need to withdraw your approval. But in the process don’t withdraw the love.
9. Have tools to manage your emotions before you are swept away by them.
10. Think about how you deliver your message. What would you be feeling if you were on the receiving end? Care about the feelings of the other person. It’s just the good old golden rule.
Refer to and live by these ‘process’ steps as you work with your challenging people and you will begin to see and feel how much easier it all can be.